Got married - no girlfriends? »Why husbands forbid communication with friends
I noticed one very strange trend in my opinion: many girls forbid a guy to communicate with his girlfriends. They believe that since now they have become a couple, then he must certainly break off ties with friends of the opposite sex. But is that right? After all, it’s stupid to lock oneself only on one’s half, one must lead an active life, communicate with friends and girlfriends.
Guys, do you forbid your girls to chat with male friends?
Are you girls, you forbid a guy to communicate with his girlfriends?
When I started dating, my boyfriend, now a husband, cut off all ties with friends - mine. Not to mention friendships with guys. At first I resisted - what kind of male chauvinism, what am I to him, property, or what. - but then, after about a year, she noticed that we do not have the problems that couples actively communicate left and right with all their old friends. They began to perceive us very quickly as a couple, there were no situations called by people ambiguous, when there seemed to be nothing to complain about, but cats scratched their hearts. Everyone who got into them: the girls, whose boyfriend hangs on the phone with their "childhood friend", and the guys, whose girl, by the old habit, hugs and smackes with their male friends - everyone will understand me.
It turned out to be better to build a great distance with all former friends and girlfriends at once and introduce strict rules governing our communication than to strain on small occasions.
And it turned out to be very, very conducive to emotional closeness and trust. It’s easier to negotiate when the two belong only to each other, it’s easier to do business and meet.
And if a guy continues to communicate with all his girlfriends friends, then it is unclear why he is with this? For the sake of free comfort? Or, after all, seriously?
Sooner or later, we all grow out of games in the sandbox and a common toilet with pots. The world begins to divide into men and women, and then also into friends and foes. And if you drag all strangers in the old manner into “your own” - such a relationship will not last long. You have to make a choice with whom you are: with friends, or with your loved one. And teenage companies, where all 20-30 people are real friends, and they are terribly offended if a guy moves away from them for the sake of his beloved, is all childhood. This means that he did not mature if he meets one, but is eager to communicate with everyone. Right girls do. Good lice test.
I never forbade my girls to communicate with old friends. I will not say that I approved of some things, but I was relatively calm if the girl was talking to a guy with me, whom she knew before she met me. He tried not to give reasons for jealousy. There were girls who tried to command me on the topic “Don't Talk To This! And who the hell is that? ”He stopped such assaults quickly.
Why forbid? It seems to me that such a ban can only cause discontent. If a guy loves you, then he is unlikely to behave with his old girlfriends as before. Or he will try to limit communication with them. Personally, it never crossed my mind to say: “Darling, what kind of mop did you rush towards you at the cinema yesterday? Why didn’t you talk about it for 10 whole minutes unclear about what?” An adult had a life of his own and it is foolish to hope that meeting a new girl will erase what was before. Change - it can. But it will not cross out.
I think it’s not worth it. I never forbade my boyfriend to communicate with friends. It would be unfair to him to cut his social circle like this. Yes, I do not have the right to do so. Also, like him, he has absolutely no right to tell me who I should talk to, and who not. Give your boyfriend freedom - and he will return to you. Guys value trust.
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It happens that friends really do harm. Perhaps your husband notices that someone from your inner circle objectively spoils your life: he envies, intrigues, and publicly says unpleasant words. If you are really uncomfortable with one of your friends, and the spouse only confirms your intuitive guesses, then you should be glad about the sagacity of the narrow-minded person and think about whether it is worth keeping such friends next to you.
Why does a girl forbid to communicate with friends or girlfriends?
Any controversial situation and the behavior of his passion incomprehensible to a man is explained by specific reasons that may even lie on the surface, but be invisible to him. Knowing the reasons for this ultimatum, a man can agree with her decision, understand for herself her motives and motives, or find a compromise that will become a solution to the problem. There may be several reasons, be it banal jealousy, lack of attention or the negative influence of friends on the relationship of the couple.
Perhaps you have an unmarried girlfriend who leads a too free lifestyle: hanging out in clubs late, drinking excessively, changing men like gloves. Looking at her, her husband thinks that she can influence you badly. In this case, try to prove to your beloved that you have your own head on your shoulders.
Most often, the reason pushing the girl to prohibitions and ultimatums is banal jealousy. This is the feeling that makes a girl act like an owner, see a threat to relations in third parties, and also doubt the fidelity of the chosen one. Often girls are jealous of their boyfriends to their girlfriends, especially if men speak well of friends.
Some people at first glance become enemies. If your spouse and girlfriend did not agree in the interests from the very beginning and now they quietly hate each other, explain to him that communication with this person will not affect your relationship. And so as not to provoke a conflict once again, try not to bring these two together in the same territory.
Is there a reason for jealousy?
Of course, a little jealousy can mean that the partner does not care, and he is simply afraid to lose you. And yet she should not interfere with your ordinary life. Some girls, being in a relationship, continue to look for a more suitable option, chat with others or take courtship, then you should think about whether you need someone who is nearby. It may be easier to leave now, so as not to break his heart in the future. If there are no reasons for jealousy, but scandals are still present - this is the first bell. There is a lack of trust in your relationship, and this needs to be fixed.
Pathological Male Insecurity
There are men who are jealous of their partner for literally everything: girlfriends, work, hobbies. They want to completely capture someone else's time - otherwise they think they have stopped loving them. If your man is one of these, firmly and clearly explain to him that he is no longer a little boy, and that you should have free space.
Talk to him
The first thing two loving people need to do when they begin to grope for a problem is to talk. One explains his feelings and fears, the other - tries to dispel them. Ideally, such a dialogue should end on a compromise that will suit each side. If a compromise cannot be found, this is the second bell.
Men of this type deliberately and purposefully cut off his wife from all over the world and try to close the house in order to rule her completely. In this case, there is only one way out: parting. Because at first he will protect you from his girlfriends, then he will force you to quit work, then he will set you up against your family, and everything will end up in four walls face to face with the aggressor. You don’t want yourself such a life?
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What is wrong with friends?
There are friends who can influence you badly. For example, people with bad habits very often invite others to hang out, and jealous girlfriends (and there are) can set you up against your own young man. Another common option is when your close friend is actually secretly in love with you and also interested in your breakup. In all these cases, you may not notice the “shoals” of your environment, and your boyfriend may try to protect you from bad influence by your inhibitions. Nevertheless, this needs to be discussed, because the boyfriend is not a mother, and you are a person with a head on his shoulders and the right to choose. Are you ready to give up someone for the sake of a relationship?
You pay little attention to her
If a woman demands to limit communication with friends and girlfriends, such behavior may be due to a lack of attention to her. Sometimes in long relationships in which everyday life and everyday life are present, men increasingly prefer to spend time with their comrades in order to escape from the daily routine. All this only exacerbates the situation, as the girl begins to experience a lack of attention from her loved one.
Your friends negatively affect your relationship
Often the situation when a girl forbids her beloved man to communicate with friends is quite logical and justified. The reason for such ultimatums may be single friends, dragging an unfree man into the world of temptation.
No girl will put up with a boyfriend’s friends who constantly lure him to clubs, cafes, bars, where they meet girls. And if such friends have bad habits, most likely, the girl will not approve such friendship, because with whom you will lead, from that you will gain.
The norm is when.
In normal relationships, partners have nothing to hide. Therefore, if you ask him for a phone, he will not say “wait” and frantically delete SMS (and vice versa). Moreover, everyone should have the right to their personal life, to their friends and their hobbies. At first, you and the guy will really resemble a whole, but when you get enough of each other, you will want to diversify your social circle. And if you are kept in captivity, then something is going wrong. To wonder where he is and with whom, to write or to call is normal, this is a manifestation of concern. But to feel that you are under the gun 24/7 is not a cool feeling. Remember that the best manifestation of love is when you give your partner to be yourself and he does the same to you. And this concerns not only communication with friends, but also everything else. It's time to distract from the idea that if you are a woman, then your house is a fortress in which you must exist. In the courtyard of the 21st century.
What if a girl prohibits chatting with other girls
If a girl forbids her chosen one to communicate with other girls, all the reasons and arguments lie on the surface. Any woman, by nature, is to some extent the owner, especially as regards the attention of a man. Few people will like that her young man will spend time with female friends, even worse if he praises them in the presence of his beloved girlfriend.
Jealousy and a sense of ownership - these are the motives that make girls resist friendship with the opposite sex. In addition, psychologists emphasize the tendency of girls to compete with each other in terms of beauty, harmony, intelligence, charm. Therefore, if the chosen one has several beautiful and successful friends, his girlfriend will be terribly annoyed by this fact.
A man needs to decide how justified such an ultimatum behavior of a girl is, are there any reasons and reasons for the prohibitions. It is also worth considering who is more important to him, girlfriend or lover, is he ready for the sake of one to lose another person. A frank conversation with a soul mate, an explanation of a man how ultimatums and demands are unpleasant for him will help to find a compromise.
How to respond to the ban?
In fact, a situation where a girl forbids communicating with other girls, whether they are friends or just acquaintances, a man has three options for reactions to an ultimatum. Namely:
- Compromise. A man needs to have a frank conversation with a girl, to find out the motives of her prohibitions. Next, you need to let her know how unpleasant her behavior is. In the end, the solution to the problem may be a compromise that will suit both partners.
- Consent. If a girl really has good reason to prohibit friendship with some individuals, and a man does not want to lose her love and affection, it is worth agreeing with her demand. But it’s important to emphasize that the man himself understands that he does not need such friendship in order not to be considered henpecked.
- Renouncement. If friendship with certain people plays an important role for a man, and the woman’s ultimatums are unsubstantiated, he should firmly state his position, explaining his motives.
If at any disputed moment a girl resorts to the methods of ultimatums and requirements without making any compromises, respectively, either the man is weak-minded and does not have authority for her, or the girl is not afraid to lose relations. In the latter case, the relationship is worth ending, as this is utopia.
How to find a compromise?
A compromise is the most correct and satisfactory solution for both partners in a relationship. When a girl is not happy with friendship with certain people, there can be several compromises. For instance:
- a man agrees to reduce spending time with friends, paying more attention to his girlfriend,
- a man will spend time with his friends with his girlfriend,
- a man agrees not to visit certain institutions with single friends so that the girl does not worry,
- a man minimizes communication with girlfriends that his girlfriend doesn’t like, and also are not particularly important persons in his life,
- the man maintains the old format of friendship, but tries to devote more time and attention to his chosen one.
A compromise can be considered from the option of resolving the dispute, in which neither side will be offended, as well as both people will receive some part of what is desired. That is, a man does not have to lose close relationships with friends, but he agrees to help the girl cope with jealousy, attention deficit and negative emotions. A happy girl surrounded by care, love and attention will not be so demanding.
In fact, in a strong and good relationship between a guy and a girl there is no place for ultimatums, disputes and prohibitions. If a girl forbids her chosen one to be friends with boys or other girls only because of jealousy, a sense of ownership and lack of attention, the solution may be a compromise and the removal of the causes of the ultimatum by a man. If friends negatively affect a man and his relationship with a lover, an ultimatum has a place to be, and a man should make a choice in the direction of relations.